6 comments«12»anonymous readerReport 2012-09-06 01:11:05I seriously could care about the grammar an shit but the whole thing lacked detail. I mean you jut jumped into the threesome… Pornhat How about taught???«12» 6 comments«12»anonymous readerReport 2012-09-06 01:11:05I seriously could care about the grammar an shit but the whole thing lacked detail. Look back and try n see about fluffing it so that it isent rushed so much.anonymous readerReport 2012-08-26 00:00:22Spaces commas periods paragraphs coupled with not enough talking between characters plus you listed everything like it was a grocerie list too many and’s and no transitions between your settings I like the plot and I like the idea but I’m guessing this is your first time writing a story I suggest maybe reading others writing then go back and rewrite the story many people new
