Instead of saying ‘She came’ descibe what she was feeling when she came, and how it made the other person feel, also. XXX I enjoyed it. 6 comments«12»READERReport 2006-06-12 01:55:29awesome!!! You made a few gramatical and spelling errors, but they can be overlooked. Although I only got 70% chub throughout the entire thing, it was well written. Very good story. One off for the gramatical and spelling errors, three off for the lack of details«12» Very good story. I enjoyed it. Very good story. More detail would be nice, also. 6/10. Although I only got 70% chub throughout the entire thing, it was well written.
